A Rare Emotional Moment

I am, more often than not, brash, vulgar, and mildly offensive. My observations on life walk the fine line between hilarious and appalling. I believe that overt emotion belongs to teenagers and passionate lovers, while the rest of us should just tuck that shit away for alone time. I am who I am, and I make no apology for it. That is pretty much my life philosophy, all summed up. Today, however, I find myself uncharacteristically sentimental and emotional.

I swear I’m not pregnant.

Seriously, though, do you ever just have a moment where you are so overwhelmed by something beautiful and pure and amazing? Do you ever, as a parent, just look at your kids and wonder how you got so damn lucky?

There is literally no way in the world to prepare for the biggest change of all that comes with having children, which is how immediately and unconditionally you will love them. There are no proper words in the English language to describe the bursting feeling of your heart when it comes to the tiny little people you create, and while they may drive you absolutely insane regularly there is no change in that love.

Nikki is with my sister-in-law today, certainly enjoying herself. I’ve continuously expressed the woes that come with the territory of being a working mom and never truly giving enough of myself in any one aspect of life. The weather today is gorgeous, and I just can’t help but miss my girl. As if she knew how I was feeling my sister in law sent me this picture –

nikki

Can we just appreciate how perfect her little face is for a moment? She even put aside her baby resting bitch face to give her aunt a little half smile. I want to pack up my purse and meet them at the park, which is where they are headed to enjoy the weather. She even let my sister-in-law clip her hair back in an adorable little barrette. Surely if I had tried that the demon spawn would have reared it’s head, but I love it nonetheless.

I am stuck at work wishing it were I that could chase her around the playground, even though I know the truth. I know this sweet little girl will quickly be replaced by a tiny beast once at the park. She will yell for the swings, possibly accost someone else’s child, and barrel her way through the big kids section while mean-mugging a 5 year old. She will exhibit her boisterous strong will in every way she knows how, and that is part of what I adore about her. I cannot begrudge a woman who knows what she wants, even when it makes me want to pull my hair out or I’ve said “no” 692 times. Whether she is being the perfect smiling angel pictured above or a tiny little demon spawn I still adore her with every fiber of my being.

I keep staring at this picture on the verge of tears like some sort of chick-flick cliche and I just cannot stop myself.  I can’t help but to appreciate each and everyone of her tiny features while I beg time to slow down. Some days you just need to stop and stare and remember how blessed you are through all the mess.

Parenthood is very strange like that.

2 comments

  1. Jill, this is such a beautiful piece. It expresses so well the endless joys or parenthood and the endless frustrations. You made me stop and look at my children for a while after reading this. It was such a pleasure to read and reminded me to be appreciative.

    1. Thank you! I just find it happens all too often that we get annoyed or bogged down by our routines that we forget to appreciate how amazing our little people are. I’m glad I could help you to slow down and remember today 🙂

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