In case you were wondering, I am having the kind of day where I am sitting at work, half-dead, and my office phone rings, as it so often does. My response was to sit here and stare at it horror as if it was some disease ridden mutant fresh off the set of The Walking Dead.
It was only then that I realized I had spaced out to the point that I was staring at a bare wall, essentially asleep for approximately the last 30 minutes. I imagine that these are the moments in which my boss is thrilled he hired me. It’s not even a slow day, either; I have a crap-ton of things I should be doing. I just can’t bring myself to do anything focused.
I am just so tired, like bone-aching, internally crying, no brain cells left TIRED!
That is actually a pretty apt description of me about 90% of the time. You see while I have in fact added a child to my life, I have not taken anything away to create a proper balance. I work full time, I mom full time, I still fire house full time… I attempt to have some semblance of a social life, date my husband, and maintain my own hobbies. Further, I try to cook dinner every night, ensure healthy lunches and snacks are packed for all, attempt to keep the house clean, make sure everything is paid on time, and generally try to make sure everyone has clean clothes. I usually fail, but I try my damnedest.
I think balance is a myth, honestly. I feel as though I am always torn between a vast number of responsibilities and when my prioritization kicks in things just fall by the wayside. It becomes impossible to give any one thing the full attention it deserves. Currently sleep is what has been placed on the back burner, as I’ve had approximately 5 hours of it since Saturday – because who needs that shit – amiright?!?
There is not enough coffee in the world for the level of mom zombie I am at, right now, at 10 am on a Tuesday. I actually cried a little at the thought of going home after work and not going straight to bed but instead making dinner, and being mommy until Nikki goes to bed…