How I Became A Mom

And so it happened. As I knew it inevitably would. You see once you are pregnant there is really a 100% chance of the baby eventually coming out into the world. I say eventually because sometimes, as is the case with my darling daughter, the child holds onto it’s warm amniotic home until you physically pry them out. Which, honestly, is fitting to me, since I had such a nightmare pregnancy of course we would prolong it as long as possible.

So on August 2 I was instructed to arrive at the hospital where they would spend anywhere from 24-72 hours trying to induce me. Doesn’t that sound pleasant? (Hint: it isn’t) I will spare you the long boring details of those first miserable 24 hours but eventually when my doctor arrived to check on my “progression” it was deemed that my labor wasn’t laboring enough and I was dilating at a negative rate. She also informed me that my pelvis had not spread enough to safely deliver the baby. Already feeling defeated, exhausted and beyond hungry she gave me the facts and told me my options. I could continue being induced for another 48 hours, but she did not think my pelvic bones would spread any further in that time. So after my 48 hours were up she would have to perform an Emergency C-Section due to stresses on me and baby – after laboring on and off for 3 whole days. My second option was to opt for a C-section immediately since we knew that the baby was still doing very well.

Neither of these was what I was hoping to hear. Being terrified of surgery in any form, I was sincerely hoping to avoid it and that didn’t look like an option. After discussing it with Nick and trying to calm my own fears I decided to get the section immediately. If it was inevitable then there was no point in prolonging and stressing it while continuing to have debilitating contractions. I was more scared than I have ever been in my life as they wheeled me into the O.R. and separated me from my husband so they could scrub him up and give me a spinal block with the world’s biggest needle. It was all done so quickly and poor Nick was frantically texting and calling our families to inform them of the change of plans. Then he was next to me, holding my hand as I cried and waited. The drugs worked well because I hardly felt a thing and time seemed to be moving quickly.

I felt a ton of pressure and the doctors kept talking to me – and then I heard it. The most beautiful sound I have ever heard, my daughter’s first cry. I looked at Nick as both of our eyes welled with tears and he kissed me. That was it, she was here – and apparently angry to have been evicted. At 5:07 pm on August 3, 2016 my life changed forever. They brought her around the tent and as soon as I looked at her I knew I could never love another human being as much as I loved her. She was perfect and not only healthy but feisty as she swatted at the pediatrician trying to evaluate her. By the time I was stitched up and headed to recovery I couldn’t wait to hold her.

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She was 8 lbs 5 oz at birth and I was promised that there would have been no way she was coming out naturally. She hadn’t even descended into my pelvis. Clearly she liked it too much in there. But, anyway, here I am 7 weeks later with a perfect little lady who is always learning and growing and making me smile.

Being a mom is not easy, but I was under no delusions that it would be. There are so many days when I can barely get my shit together. Days where I look at the clock and its almost 2 but I haven’t showered, eaten or had a cup of coffee. Days where I can barely pull dinner together for me and Nick, where the dishes are piling up and the laundry seems to be taking over. Days where I try to get work done but only get one email out and maybe change the paper in my printer. Days where I just want to sit and write or paint or decompress but my Nugget needs to be fed, changed and comforted. But I’m slowly adjusting and I find that it really is all worth it when I see my baby girl smile or cuddle up with my husband or me. I can deal with a bit of mess and unwashed hair just to savor these fleeting moments.

Already she is growing too fast and I know the day will come when she no longer needs us for everything. Sooner rather than later she will develop independence and I will miss the way she needs her momma constantly, so I try to enjoy each moment in the now.

And now she is awake and I am being summoned but I leave you with some pictures of her perfect little face. 🙂

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