That Time I Almost Died

Well – I have Staph, chickies.  Like the kind that kills you fast.

Here’s the thing – as an EMT I am well aware of how dangerous Staph can be. I have seen it move quickly through a persons blood stream and kill them in a matter of days. It isn’t pretty.  On Tuesday evening I noticed a small bump on my inner thigh. I thought nothing of it, though. I just assumed it was an ingrown hair and used a hot compress, hoping to force all the yuck out. Yesterday at work it became more and more painful to walk and move and I noticed that it looked slightly bigger and much redder. Again I tried hot compresses to no avail.  I took  shower and when I stepped out i couldn’t help but notice that my growth was completely out of hand.  It had grown to the size of a baseball – it was also burning hot to the touch and extremely painful… all signs of serious infection.  It also became nearly impossible to walk or become comfortable. I did a little research on infected hair follicles and decided that a trip to the doctor was in order.

I knew my mom was off today so I decided to have her take me since I had no idea if they would need to perform some sort of procedure to fix it. It’s always good to have another person with you for these things.  I sat in the doctors office laughing nervously as I explained the fast acting symptoms of what I believed to be a stubborn ingrown hair.  Obviously he asked to see it and he put on a glove and took out a frightening looking needle. As I lifted my shorts to expose the villain the doctor made a face of horror that I can’t even describe.  He pressed a few times on the spot as my eyes welled with tears and  made some horrifying squeaking noises to keep from screaming.  He sucked a minor amount of the infection out and went to the lab for barely five minutes before re-entering the exam room with a solemn face that scared the living shit out of me.

Well, I have bad news and good news – You have a fast moving staph infection that will become fatal once it hits your blood stream.  Untreated you would have been hospitalized by this evening or dead within a day or two. Luckily you came in and the infection should still be treatable by antibiotic.  However, if it has not become noticeably better by Saturday it will have to be surgically treated.”

My face must have hit the floor as the gears in my head worked overtime. Dead within days? From shaving my legs?? What the Actual Fuck!! How could I possibly be so close to death and not feel it coming?  I have never been so scared in my entire life.  I am hoping that this antibiotic works because I am no hot on the idea of surgery or death.

Let my story serve as a lesson to all – do not assume your ailments are seemingly ordinary won’t become serious and life-threatening.  Also be careful when you shave.

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